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SSJ_Goku3
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Name: Zack
Country: United States
State: California
Metro: Los Angeles
Birthday: 10/1/1989
Gender: Male
Interests: Someone interesting, fun, outgoing yet shy sometimes, loyal, spontaneous and carefree. O yea lets throw in the originals....smart, pretty, and nice. =)
Expertise: hmmm reading books =P nerd alert hehe...listening to any type of music as long as its good...hanging out with friends....having fun no Davis not your kind of fun!....laughing, yea i laugh alot huh....smiling =), you'll see me always smiling...and what else? o yea sleep! cant forget that =D
Message: message meEmail: email me
Website: visit my website
Member Since:
2/22/2003
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| So I've been thinking...a lot...and that's like a no no for me. Basically what I've been thinking is...what have I been doing my whole life til now? I realize that I haven't done much....and I also realize that I've been blaming others for things that I have not done. Saying how they are holding me back or how it's impossible to do anything with them. But those are just excuses that I have thought up to make myself feel better. They are not to blame. They have their own agendas for their life and I too should have my own. These past few months feel like a waste of time....pretty much because I haven't done much these past few months. Only thing I pretty much did was think. Thinking while at school, thinking while at home, or even thinking with my friends. I know I haven't been myself lately. I mean I haven't been talking to most of my old friends and when I do, it's like I have nothing to say....and that's because I'm thinking. It's ironic how thinking so much about where I'm going in life and stuff only halts my discovery in life. Life wasn't really the only thing I was thinking about. I was thinking about the people I miss. There are people who say that understand me but I believe those people are wrong then there are those that I believe that they understand me. Meaning those who says that they understand me are those who really don't....yet those who that does are those that do not know they do. Understand me? =] What I'm going with this is that most of those who understand me are away from my life. Some moved away, while some passed away. I miss them. I wish they were with me so I can talk to them like old times but yet these old times are a thing of a past. They've changed, they had to change. They changed to meet their new life. What I miss is their old self but I know I can't bring their old self back so I must accept their new self. There are also those who I thought understood me but I was completely bewildered by how wrong I was. I dunno...see what happen when I think too much?
Another thing I've been thinking is about love. I've recently read a book and I learned a lot of things about love. Some of you may disagree and some of you may agree with what I learned. Everyone has the potential to love many times throughout their lives. What I mean by love is not the family love or how you love a friend but more of an affectionate love and everyone can have this many times in their lives. I've been in love with two girls in my life. My first love was in fourth grade and her name was Melanie. I loved her because of her pure heart and how I can tell her anything. My last love? Who knows...but I do know that this last girl I love will probably be someone I haven't met. But what I'm trying to say is that they all count. These people that you love will do something to affect your life. They define how you classify what love is supposed to feel like. Some may hurt you and some may make you want more. These people you love are the most important people in your life aside from your family, and there will only be maybe three to five of these people in your lifetime. Though there is one important thing about this. It's that there is always going to be that one person who you love who is going to become that definition of what "love" is. It will happen, maybe it happened or maybe it has yet to happen but it always happens eventually. This person, who will become your definition of "love", will unknowingly set the template for what you will always love about others. You will then remember having a talk with this person that never actually happened. You remember times that you spend with this person that never actually occured. This, which I believe, is because the individual who creates your own personal definition of "love" does not really exist. What I mean is that even though the person and the feelings are real, the context are all created by no other than you. And with love, context is everything. Think of it like this, is the person who defines your understanding of love inherently different from any other person? What I see it as is that this person is often just the person that you just happen to meet the first time that you really wanted to love someone. But all in all, this person wins. They win and you lose. Why? Because for the rest of your life, they will control how you feel about everyone else.
=]
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| Sometimes, the truth isn't good enough, sometimes people deserve more. Sometimes people deserve to have their faith rewarded.
-- The Dark Knight
So I'm at the library and I don't feel like studying for my programming class right now. So what do I do? Well of course blog! Well yea people are wondering too many things about where I've been this past urrr two weeks? or Was it a month? Muahahha I tried to make my plan a month but I guess that zoo trip made my plan hold up for a while. So what was my plan? Basically it was nothing =]. I'm serious....well it was to do nothing. Now if anyone tells me that their plan for the month was to do nothing, I would think they're crazy. I don't really know how to explain my reason. I've been losing it lately....not really but just straying from the norm of what I am. Not that it's a bad thing but I'm not really sure what the heck I've been doing these past months. I tell myself I'll do all these things and I do them mostly...but for what? To live life to the fullest? To see what life has to offer? To find something that I've been missing? I don't know. I don't feel like myself. I tend to say "yes" or agreed to most people because it felt like the best thing to do. Though it wasn't that bad, it was just not me. I was not obligated to do any of these things. No one told me "Hey Zack, do this or die!". So why did I do any of this? As I've said earlier...maybe to live life?
Well this doesn't explain what I've been doing this month. My trust in people has been degrading for a while. I use to be able to tell people things easily without worrying about anything. Now what do I do? Avoid telling people things, tell only things that they want to hear, or abuse this trust breaking by telling them something that I know they'll also tell everyone else. Thats not who I am. Then why am I doing this? I don't know. This month was suppose to help me figure it out. Figure out what the heck have I been doing. Then more problems came out from my friends in New York. I thought this whole problem I've had in summer was over with when I talked to them but I guess not. Hopefully after this talk I had two weeks ago, everything should be fine. Hopefully. Anyways about the trust....I wonder why I could not trust people as much as I use to be able to and then it hit me. What if it was not them I could not trust, but me that they could not trust? This theory ever so make sense in everyway lol. I admit I lie a lot. For fun, or so I believe. Now these lies are nothing serious, just exaggerations of things or just fake random facts about the world. People believe them, but then I say jk and everyone laugh. By doing so much of this what do I end up being? A liar, someone that no one can believe. Though there are people who I tell the complete truth to but even they don't believe me anymore. I would never lie to people about serious things but yet they wouldn't believe this. I don't want to be that person anymore. So in the end what do I do? Avoided everyone who I've lied to for a month or tried to. What I meant by tried to was that I only answer whenever they talked, I would barely start the conversation. What I tell them is just the truth even though it might not be the WHOLE truth, at least it was the truth haha.
I miss the old me. But I can't go back. I don't know what I'll be but I guess only time can tell. Though I do know I won't be that all around accepting Zack haha. If I just start with the truth, it can't be that bad right? -__-
So what was this nothing that I've been doing this month? Well I hang with some of my friends in SD most of the time. I was going to hang with Katherine (=O) but I bailed on her due to the zoo trip. Hehe I didn't want to feel like a douchebag ditching friends for a girl....who do you think I am? Any other guy? pssh. Plus it would have made me look bad if I didn't even see them for this whole month. Since well excluding Lucy, I think that was the only time I saw them? haha I'm sorry David that I did not go to your birthday. =( Thanksgiving was fun. I spent the whole break or most of the whole break with Dulcy and Alan. We cooked or Dulcy did on thanksgiving. We made curry! We made a little too much since we expected my parents to be home but they tend to disappear somewhere in the night. Then we attempted Green Onion Pancakes but totally failed at it =( We blame Alan for putting too much everything! haha We went to circuit city that night to line up so that I can get the xbox 360 for my "cousin". What I mean is that I told Dulcy that it was for my "cousin" but me and Alan actually planned to get it for her. She can't play left4dead on her laptop...which is quite sad. I mean I know that she can't spend that much of her money on anything that she wants since she needs to pay for tuition next year so it's kinda sad that all of her friends are playing left4dead while she's left playing urrr Sims 2. -_- At first it was going to be me and some of her and my friends from SD who were going to chip in for the xbox buuuuut it pretty much failed since everyone was broke =X I on the other hand had money saved up for something...mainly a video camera. I don't think I would be able to live if I bought the camera for myself. That would just be selfish. So yup! haha Then yesterday was our food day. We ate like taiwanese food, crepes, boba, urr I dunno what else. We took cue pictures.....Alan and I suck at it but Dulcy made us look like pros haha What else...not much really. I would have liked to come to whatever thanksgiving thing everyone else was having but I just could cheat my plan and do it. I already did it with the zoo trip and I felt like I had to start over =X.
BUT there is a different between well the "ramona" group and the chris and gia group. I only avoided the ramona people because I needed to go along with some of my plans....which I feel like I'm done haha. But chris and them....they are too much like I dunno....any stereotypical guys? Chris wasn't at first but he started hanging with Gia and now he's just a douchebag. I've been using that word a lot <__< I guess we need Akane or some girl to put some balance. They are just being douches or jackasses. Chris does it with all "respect" and stuff but then when its just us three, it gets tiring hearing about their dirty little secrets. I even tried to change the topic but they just want to discuss about it. Then there's Brian...gah I don't even want to talk about him...I called him a fucktard last time <_< long story. I don't know what happened to them. Things change drastically during certain times. I too also am changing. Maybe I'm just opening my eyes more. I don't know but I'm just getting tired of people being douchebags. Fortunately I don't know that many people (under 10?).
Well yup thats what I've been up to! I'm freaken cold and tired. I have to go to a Smashing Pumpkin concert but dam I'm so tired. I've studied enough. I dunno, I just want to knock out. Guess I'm growing old eh? ;] haha
I feel like I have to say this but I don't know why.
Sorry
=]
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| So I lied that I was going to blog once every year. I'll just blog once a month? or every two months? Well this will be a short or long one depending on where this takes me. Well let's start with my summer list and see where the ball rolls from there ya? I'll check out what I have done and talk about them and stuff. Muahahaha it could be long if I made a paragraph for everything I did. Hmmm, I might...haha lets see
Things to do in the summer
Run 200 miles
DONE! Muahahha it was okay when i ran 3 miles everyday during summer school so that was like 30 days? That meant around 90 miles. The rest I ran around everywhere from Almansor park to Barnes Park to Garfield Park to Vincent Lugo Parks. Okay so now really all parks since I ran around my little subarb areas too. There are nice lighting and nice fogs in the morning. Anyways, I plan to do even MORE running now since I bought that Nike+ thing for the Ipod nanos. Its going to be nice after I buy a new running shoe and use the Ipod that Davis (hopefully) will have sent back when I come back home. I'm sad that I'm buying Nike running shoes but it might be nice, you never know! And the Nike shoes are 30 bucks more than the usual running shoes I buy ><
Dam I just heard from Davis that he hasn't sent me the ipod =( i'm doooooooom =(((( so sad haha
Pass Math 20D
Muahaha passed it with an A ^__^ booo yaaah. It was easy once I got used to it but wow was it hard when I first started since the teacher expected us to take Math 20F. I mean 20F? F?!? who takes a class with a F first over a class with a D?! lol And you know what's weird? Saying "a F", you want to say in your mind "an F" instead huh?
Go on a road trip over 1000 miles
Done that...TWICE! Both towards north-cal. Once was with Chris, Andy, and Gia. We got a hotel in Fresno and then went to Yosemite for a great hike. The second time was with Regina, Lucy, Kevin, and David. But we brought Mindy back when we went to Berkeley lol. It was less ghetto than the last time. Maybe it was because we weren't near People's Park. That park is literally FOR the people haha.
Get a new camera
I got THIS CAMERA. I got it like on the weekend I came back home after school ended LOL It's a waterproof camera and it's AWESOME. I mean having a waterproof camera opens up soooooo much possibilities! You can take it into the ocean, pool, or just put it in a drinking cup to impress people (I've done that so many times and it still not getting old ^_^). And it's not just waterproof, it's also freezeproof AND shockproof!! Go to the beach, go to the pool, take it with you snowboarding, skiing, jetskying, parasailing (will explain later haha), raging waters, or put it in a bucket to clean it! I feel like the wacky waving inflatable tube man sales person! hahha
Go hiking
Done...that many times! I don't even remember all of it since we went to many hikings this summer...well not as much as we did in winter break. But yup, the best one was both the yosemite hikes! The first time I did the hike, we reached the waterfall and it still had a lot of water compare to the second time. Then we started to ran back on the way back since we feared that it was going to rain and that it was going to be night time soon. lol Gia, Andy, and Chris got tired on the way back getting more breaks than we needed. Though the second time was a little different...it took us like 3 hrs to get there but it took us like 2 hrs to get back <__< I guess it was just because it was like 10 pm when we head back...we arrived at the parking lot like 1 am >< LOL but it was a fun trip huh? =D
Go camping
Done. We went to the urrrr i forgot. Big horn something or something like that =D haha That was also fun since it was funny watching David trying to get his rope on a branch so that we can hang stuff if there a bear came. And there was also of course eating it off a can. We ate like beans and corns from a cooked can <__< the Hillbilly life ^__^ Then me, David, and Kevin went on a little hike but we found nothing...until the way back when we were told by this hiker that there was a secret path to a mini pond thing. I was interested in jumping in the water but it was freaken like 30 degrees or something lol I mean wtf! haha but I still jumped in muahhaha
Go out of US
Done. I'm blogging this in the hotel in thailand. Jesada if you are reading this, woow the thai hotels are amazing...well maybe it's cuz we're in the new ones. The first one had well free high speed internet which I wasn't used to coming from Burma. They charge you in Burma for internet that is slower than dail up <__< haha But yea the second hotel in thailand was like an Ikea hotel. It was crazy! Like everything you imagined out of Ikea! They had like this kinda not see through but like a little fade out glass shower which is connected to the bedroom, so you can see a figure through the glass but no details haha =P Though it was kinda weird since I was with my parents <__< I think it was suppose to be like romantic kinda room...I THINK. I dunno, I'll upload pictures through this later or something haha And we hitched on a tour since we were sooo lost that we didn't know where to go LOL <__< (we got lost in the airport!) ><
Lets talk about Burma first. Wow was it different from what I remembered. Cars being scared of people more than the other way around. (People just cross the streets anywhere they want) There are kids who are like 7 years old that are like servants. It felt weird when I saw my relatives ordering them to carry my bags and stuff but I didn't let them muahha. But I guess it's not as bad as "slaves" since they go to school and everything. So it's somewhat like work for the life you get or something. It's still bad but not as bad. Then there are like crappy cars which cost like twice as much as my Scion <__< Everyone has money over there...it's just that things are so cheap there that they have money to save up haha. Like my grandparent's house is around TWO MILLION dollars <__< i mean wtf right? haha and its not even all that fancy. And talking about relatives....WOW do I have a lot. My mom's side has around 25 people....not including the first cousins and all those random stuff that I don't understand. My dad's side has around 20...and same with not including all those stuff. And my mom's side is more like I dunno.....more like...not poor...but more cheap? I dunno. Okay I'll say what my dad's side is. They are more sophisticated. Like they have the expensive houses, high paying jobs, and have visa's to America. While non of my mom's side has it. And when I went to Burma....wooow it was hard to adjust what I wanted to do since my mom's side wanted to do something with me while my dad's side wanted to do something else and nothing ever worked together. Then there's my mom's sister who like loves me or something since I'm everything her son's are not <__< which is kinda sad but all she does is praise me for being what her sons are not. And it also had to do with when I backed her up on her reasoning for this conflict that she was having with the rest of the family and my parents. I only backed her up since I found what mistakes that they all had made but I dunno...I guess she saw it as some other way. Then there's my dad's sister who also loves me or something and would buy anything that I wanted....and she didn't like that my mom's sister wanted to take me around. <__< yea it's complicated stuff so I hanged with my grandma for like sometime too. And talking about having a lot of relatives, that also means that there are tooons of connections. For example, the hotels, restaurants, car rides, plane rides, etc were all free for us ^__^ The only thing I used money in Burma was for food and some illegal dvds hahahha. I mean I even got a double room just for myself cuz my mom's friend believed that I needed space to myself <__<. LOL OH OH OH and guess what? I had a twin or something like that...I wasn't sure since they were talking all fast and I didn't want to intrude on their talk buuuut they said something about how great it would have looked for my "brother" to have looked like me but only if my mom didn't lose him. And that I was probably the good side of the you know good/evil twin thing. Haha yea I couldn't translate it that well since they use burmese slangs that I didn't know yet or ever learned haha (I don't even know how to swear!) I heard this story kinda before from my brother. He told me that my mom lost twins before I was born on a train due to some like I dunno what but they were lost. Now I'm wondering what if's hahaha
So I'm in singapore right now...and it's a bore! haha my mom's friend and her husband picked us up and we went to some santosa island or something...it was okay. Went to an aquarium and impressed everyone with my camera by dipping it in the water and taking pictures of stingrays muahahhaa. But yea, then we saw some water/light show but that was too short. It was a nice show though...kinda kiddish but it was nice! haha But yea, we're moving to Malayasia one day earlier than we planned since it's so boring here! So you know what that means? SHOPPING! lol I'm not really that much into shopping but if they have asian clothes (yes fobby ones), I might buy it! You know I would! hahahha I've changed my style ever since I came back from Japan....and I don't think I'll change for a while. haha
OKAY maybe because my mom's friend's husband is a tour guide but wow they are so boring! It might be rude of me to say that since they are taking us around but all they are taking us around in Malayasia are like monuments and museums! They're not even interesting at all! haha I got tired of taking pictures in Malayasia...I barely took like 100, if not less. >< I just bought a shirt and i also tried on this 1000 bucks shirt hahahaha just for fun =P
I'll update later
Grow out my hair
Well sorta done. I DID grow it out but I also got haircuts along the way. It's not like complete haircuts...more like a "clean-up". That's what the barber called it. I got a haircut in Burma before I left haha. It was a bad one but I think or believe I made it better than what the barber had planned muahhaa. But it's still long! =D
Finish 20 games
Will be done when I come back! I finished 19 games so far. And I'll have around 5-6 days when I come back to finish the last game. Yea I won't list all my games out since I'm so lazy. haha I refinished some games too...but that also counts! muahahah
Finish 5 books
DONE! Read Speaker for the Dead, Narnia (closet and prince), Ender's Shadow, and Ender's Game. I plan to read more books though. I still have lots of graphic novels....urrr Red Son...Xenocide...and some others muahahha
Watch over 50 movies
DONE! I finished that on the airplane! muahahah I don't even want to start on what movies I watched but some of them were like suggestions from others but they were all good!
Get a new cellphone (my cellphone is the number 1 phone to bring some damage to the brain ><)
Haven't done that yet...and don't think I will....maybe for my birthday? hahaha I dunno.
Watch the same movie 3 or more times
Dark Knight! O, MG I love that movie. It's DA BEST MOVIE! I know the phase died out already but I still love it! I will totally buy the blue-ray version, dvd version, and other versions LOL well I did that with Transformers but not intentionally. I bought the dvd version, Brian bought me the "transforming dvd case" version, and I also bought the HD-DVD version since it was only 6 bucks LOL ^__^
Do something exciting like bungie jumping or jetsking
DONE!...I've done..Parasailing and jetskying so far! muahaha I hope I do more stuff but I doubt it. Parasailing was a real excitement. Especially when you are holding onto a camera and taking pictures and videos LOL Then there's jetsking...wow is that awesome or what? I kept holding the acceleration and like caught a wave and stayed in the air for like 5 seconds....it's like the largest hop from a wave I ever did. The jetski landed really hard onto the water and then the guy behind me told me to slow down LOL haha since he didn't want me to break his jetski =P
Go karaoking
Did that on Dulcy's Day! =D yea I still call it Dulcy's Day cuz its much easier than saying the day that Dulcy told us what to do and we listened....LOL it was fun with Jefferson, Dulcy, and I singing out hearts out muahahha She has a good voice. Jefferson and I...not so much LOL But it was fun singing hakuna matata for a final song! ^_^
Make a day for someone
Dulcy's Day! hahah Yea I just wanted her to go out and do something. I didn't mind driving however far she lived (and it is FAR!) haha but I wanted her to go out since she was all trapped in her rich rich aunt's house doing nothing but playing old ps2 games. And there's also her little (lol) problem which I won't mention but yea its pretty bad. I just wanted to i dunno give her a good time hahaha
Go to the zoo
Done! I did that in burma but it wasn't that exciting though I saw the laziest bear ever! He was just sleeping with his arms and legs spread out and laying on his body LOL ^__^ But I kinda want to go to the savana thing in SD. Though I'm not that excited since I hear you have to stay in the car so it's a bummer =/ but I still want to go!
Have a bbq
Done! I guess Mindy's bday counted since it was a bbq! Though I was thinking about one at my house but whatevers, my list says "Have a bbq" not "Have a bbq at my house" so boo yah! =D
Take over 2000 pictures
I've taken over 3000 already hahah so much that it wouldn't really fit in my laptop anymore. I have to store it in my hard drive. Kinda a bummer since iphoto is freaken awesome! muahahah
Order over 50 bucks worth of pictures on snapfish
Yea that'll have to wait. I mean 50 bucks worth of pictures is...lets do some math. 1 photo cost 9 cents, and so lets say I get 11 photos per dollar. Then 50 times 11 is urrr (let me get calculator LOL jk) 550! AND there are 50 cents leftover. So I still can get at least 6 more photos since I wanted it to be OVER 50 bucks haha
Look at a meteor shower
Not really. Haha Surprisingly I think I did it? Well I don't know if it were a meteor shower or a shooting star but it was like BRIGHT ORANGE looking shooting star thing. It was pretty awesome. BOB saw it and he agrees haha Too bad Kevin and David missed it. But yea that was one shooting star or meteor so it's not really a "shower" haha
Watch a sunset/sunrise
DONE...it sooo many many many time from beaches to temples to parks where I run in the morning or at night. Yup this one was an easy one. Wished I had someone to watch the view with *sniff sniff* LOL jk it's better to do it alone sometimes.
Listen to one song constantly for 6+ hours
DONE. hahah I listened to TWO songs actually for 6+ hours each. It was kinda accidentally and not intentionally. I was chatting and I left the song on repeat so yea hahah. The two songs were Style by Nishino Kana and Doushite Kimi No Suki Ni Natte Shimattan Darou by DBSK or Tohoshinki...LOL yea the second song has a long name but I listened to it for 6+ hours so I know most of the song already and they say that title like every 30 seconds haha
Make new friends
DONE. I've made tons of new friends while I was on this trip. Especially the girls I met during my thailand tour. But I've also made friends back in the state too! Muahaha friends friends friends! must have mooooore! lol jk it's just nice to talk to new people.
Do some kind of workout everyday
DONE! Been doing that. Some kind of workout means that I have to do something that makes me sweat for 30 minutes everyday. And of course I've been doing that.....mainly push-ups and sit-ups but I plan to do more stuff when I go back to school. CANT WAIT TO GET THOSE SHOES!! IT'S SO EXCITING!!
Go fishing
DONE! I did it during the cabin trip...haha I had my mach-1 fishing rod too! I'll post pictures later hahah it's made out of a branch and threads. It worked better than some! hahha It just didn't go too far. ><
Go biking
Nope. Sadly I don't have a bike yet =( *cough cough* hint hint hahahha my bday is coming up *cough cough* jk
Go sky diving
Nope. THIS I HAVE YET TO DO BUT TOTALLY WANTS TO DO IT! I planned to do it sometime next year. Maybe when Davis comes back or something. I dunno. I don't care if there's a guy strapped to my back. I just want to DIVE OUT FROM THE SKY!!! Come on...it'll be the most exciting thing I've ever done. Though I also want to jump off a helicopter and go snowboarding hahah
Try to get back retainers
NOPE. Yea I need to go to my dentists sometime when I come back. I want to wear retainers again. I gave up on them a month after I got my braces off >< I know it's bad huh? haha I should keep wearing it...at least at night. I don't want to wear braces again! My teeth may look straight now but what if!!! hahah yea ><
Save 60 bucks a week
DONE! I have been doing this ever since summer started. I'm saving money for something...I dunno what. Maybe for sky diving? Maybe for hawaii trip? I dunno. Speaking about Hawaii trip....I plan to go out somewhere with Davis this winterbreak. Whether you come with us or not...for hell I care LOL It's just that you'll miss out on a great great trip. It might not be Hawaii...it might be somewhere else. haha maybe a cruise ship? =O I dunno somewhere out of Alhambra...out of CALIFORNIA! But still in the states haha we're not rich LOL
Eat an expensive meal
DONE! I ate a 120 dollar meal for free in one of my dad's doctor party. LOL 120 bucks! I can buy a ds with that! But I ATE IT! haha So I ate a ds? =P muahahah I dunno...I feel bad but man oh man was the Flan sooo good that I would pay 50 bucks for that (not really but you know what I mean!!)
Eat the most gross looking food that is at a restaurant but it has to be edible
DONE! sorta...thank you bob! haha I ate that bologne thing that looked like barf on the pictures. Though it didn't look that bad in reality (surprising huh?? You expect it to come out worse!). But yea I ate some of it so I did this! bwahhaha
Hang out with my parents more
DONE! I've been doing that throughout this whole trip hahaha sooo yup! ^__^
Go to raging waters
DONE! hahaha it was really fun...that was like 2 days after I got my camera! I even got gia to come! He didn't want to spend mullah but I convinced him to come. It took the longest time but I did it! hahaha Everyone was all looking at me and my camera muahahha Those workers even asked if I wanted to take a picture with their waterproof cased cameras. I just showed them my camera and they were like =(.
Go to six flags
NOPE! =( I want to gooo! But I think I'll go in January and buy a season pass MUAAHHA
Master rockband
NOPE! NO TIME!! =( I can do expert guitar and hard drums and hard singing.....but I want to do expert drums!!! Hopefully rock band 2's drum trainer thing they have would help me with that....lol I dunno maybe I'll have time during school to play it hahaha though I'm going to leave it at will's and peter's apartment since I don't think it'll fit in my room haha And I can't put it in my living room now since Regina's friend is living there now....haha so noope
Try to get a job
Will do that! Someday....haha I really want a job at gamestop...kinda sad that the time they asked me if I wanted a job was the time when I couldn't take the offer =( It was like last year before school started haha <__<
Re-learn Japanese
Doing so! hahah It's not really done yet since I can take it slowly now. Well not slowly since it'll be faster than the first time! It's Psychology!! =D I really want to learn it before I go study abroad....hopefully in japan! If not somewhere else LOL
Learn how to play guitar
Doing so! It's soo hard and I should have brought it me on this trip....my guitar fingers are GONE!!! I need to suffer another month of playing to get them back =( SO SAD!! hahah ah wells back from scratch I guess ^__^
Find a relaxing secret spot to just urr relax
DONE! Can't say where but its the greatest spot for sun rises, sun sets, and everything!! it's the place where I can gather my thoughts and stuff.
Sleep over 14+ hours
DONE! haha I did it here in asia...wasn't planning to but I was tiiired!! lol though it wasted some time during the trip. Oh wells I ran out of stuff to do here anyways haha. I miss Japan, there's sooooo much to do there!!
Stay up for a whole day
DONE! Again this wasn't planned >< It just happened....It started when I devoted myself to beating this ps2 game (Yakuza) and I didn't realize how long that game was and it took the whole night >< haha but OMG that game is awesome!! I want to play the second one now! Man I have sooo many games to play....but no mullah =(
Learn to ride a motorcycle
NOPE! Not yet! soon! probably! hahahha
Buy lots of spongebob stuff
NOT DONE! AND NEVER WILL! hahah I'm just gonna be like Davis and buy looooots but not enough to like go buy a giant spongebob....maybe a patrick hahaha I dunno. Spongebob is awesome! He lives a simple life! I mean it's jusst sooo relaxing to watch the show. People who says the show isn't funny is thinking too much! Just don't think! It's an easy show and very creative! hahah Think simple people!! haha
Watch a whole tv series straight on
I did that for like a drama series (Shi3uya) and a show (Terminator series)...in one weekend! LOL I did it straight on cuz the weekend in SD...especially during summer school, is SOOOO BORING!!! OMG Its like death! Or even worse!!
Write a blog
DONE! LOL obvious hahaha but I should have made it so that it'll be a looooooong blog! =D
Learn Flash
Still learning! It's hard! but I can make a stick figure walk and stuff but I want them to fight!!! I hope this doesn't end up like my photoshop goal where it came to some wallpapers and stuff but nothing more than that =( lol I want to do some flash animations but man is it hard! Even though adobe flash makes things easier...it's still hard! hahah I'm taking tutorials and stuff but yea with school opening next week...dunno how much time I will have left =(
Tell everyone about Melanie in someway
DONE! Well I did that in the beginning of summer right? haha sooo don't really need to do that again....unless you guys want me to copy and repaste my past blog...which will then surely be one GIANT BLOG!! muahahhahahah I wonder....lol
Speak with new york friends
DONE! So before my asia trip, I went to new york for 1 day....lol yea its not much but I just had to do some unfinished business...and I was suppose to do all those unfinished businesses in August but I guess 1 more day didn't hurt right? I went to see Melanie's grave and did all those stuff as expected. I also talked with my friends with Aye since he kept me under control haha but wow was Anthony kinda pissing me off....yea but it went well. They apologized for what they've done. They didn't know how much pain it could have brought me. But they just wanted to help me so for their good intentions that didn't turn out well, I forgive them. It's just I won't be going to new york that much anymore though.....well Melanie was my most important reason I went to new york anyways. Going to visit her now isn't that...i can't think of the words <__< But yup I won't go back that often and I meant often as in 2 years...so now it'll be like maybe after graduation. Actually I will go visit new york during my sister wedding next may. So I mean after that visit! hahahha
Tell the girl I love that I love her
DONE! hahha don't really want to say much but I did what I did muahahaha kinda unexpected though even for me hahah but it was one of the things I wanted to do before August ended....it might have been a little rushed and unexpected buuuut it was all for the better! MUAHHA I feel like the chains that had kept me down are now free but yet that feeling of the weight still lies in me. If you know what I mean..lol
WELP that's it! I might upload pictures here or not. I had some parts in this blog where I said i will upload pictures but I didn't hahah I don't have that much time....well I do...but I dunno I might not even upload all the 1000 pictures on facebook...thats like 18 albums! >< lol too muuch even though i have like 100 something albums already hahahahha but yeaa....
So why did I make a list before summer? I want to spend my life like the days were old so that when those days actually DO come, I can say that I have spent my life. kay muahahha long blog.... 23361 characters and 4623 words =O i wonder if this is longer than the last one....MUAHAH I'll be home in 15 hrs! hahaha
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| siigh so I guess it's been a year huh? I guess I'm back to xanga...once a year..haha yea I dunno...I feel like posting a blog...instead of bashing people I'll bash myself in this blog...though that may lead to bashing others haha <_< so what have I been up to? nothing really...first year of college came and went by quicker than I expected...many things happened during this year...yup I'll say some stuff haha
Well my life has been a mystery to some...I guess that makes it exciting since I can repeat the same stuff and whatevers added to new people who don't know about my life...but yea to make it less of a mystery..I'll tell some stuff that I haven't told that many people because well...you'll see why haha
To start off..I'm just going to say it straight out to everyone or whoever reads this haha my best friend, Melanie, is gone...you know my new york best friend in a coma? Well I'll tell a story for those who don't know....Melanie is/was my best friend...she is different from others...pure at heart and loving, she probably doesn't know the word "hate". Trust is an issue I'm having right now with people but with her...anyone and everyone can say anything to her because they trust her. Rumors come and go but she doesn't have any rumors. She is genuine true to the heart. She is never selfish...she never wants anything for herself...she just wants to help others. I met her during a field trip we had to an archeologist site in 4th grade. I was still new to the school since I just moved from new york...but she made me feel like I've been there forever. Long story short...we've became really close...we shared our dreams and we looked at the stars with hopes of being the best that we can be to helping others and well being true to yourself. We were so close that we even tried to date...yea that didn't turn out that well. I mean there was no difference except that we were holding hands. Well she was my first kiss...but that was even before we started dating haha...we were bored so we tried it <_< Yea okay no more mushy stuff...we just became friends later on since we were just in 5th grade...we had so much time...well anyways I moved in the end of 6th grade to Indiana and we kept in contact...we kept in contact even when I moved to California in 8th grade...I still tell her everything...even about my love life and stuff...she was my best friend after all and her tips were the best too haha September came and school started....a week after my birthday, her brother died due to a heart problem...he was in the football team and during a game he suddenly fainted so he went to a doctors...the doctor told him that he can't play football again but he thought it was only like real games and stuff and not like with friends and stuff...so he played with his friends and yea...you can tell the rest...Of course I had to comfort her...the first person she called was me and I had no idea what to say...I never really handled people's death before...I just said what I believe was right and it worked...I just wished I was really there to comfort her....so about two months later on November 15th, we were talking on the phone and she told me how her parents wanted to go on to their friends house (3 hr drive) the next day and how she didn't want to go. I kinda convinced her to go because I thought it might have been fun...yea during the drive back home, her parents got into an accident that would change mine and of course their lives forever...She got into a coma, her parents blamed themselves, and I of course blame my self for making her go....Kyle, one of my friends in new york, called me the next day to tell me about it and how her parents well feeling the guilt and also how they can barely pay for the hospital fee for more than 4 months...so in that 4 months, me and my friends and a couple of guys we met in a forum created an anime site haunted-anime.com...but now it's called national-anime.com (we joined with another site ani-vault.com) anyways so we started off uploading and downloading all the famous animes so that people can come to our site...at first it was free but then later on, we started charging 5 dollars a month to those that want to download animes on request...it was a perfect job....my friends made money to support their life and I made money to support Melanie's life...it was done secretly of course...heck my family doesn't even know (sometime I wonder what if I get caught haha)...anyways 5 dollar a month became a lot when there were over 5000 members (now it's 20K) so we made easy money that didn't interfere with our daily life....so I told my parents that I would cover the hospital fee and move her to a better hospital where she can get her very own nurse to take care of her....they were of course surprise hearing this from an 8th grade kid but I told them that I can do it so they accepted my offer...that was not the only thing that was different of my lfie...I also changed who I was...basically I became more like her and less like me...though not many people could tell since me and her were pretty similar but there were some stuff that was different between me and her...that was that I can learn to dislike people and she couldn't...I pretty much stopped that after I changed who I was. I stopped getting angry at others and became yours truly today haha...but it wasn't an easy change...of course I felt anger, jealousy, and hatred towards people that I thought was worth having those feelings towards...I mean I thought of how unfair it is to Melanie that she suffered from her brother's death and now she is in a coma...I thought of how I would change things so that when she wakes up, she can see a new world or a new me...well that was that...I started to trust others more than I did before...I would be able to tell everyone anything on my mind easily...if they asked I would have tell...well of course there were some stuff that I was still shy of...I mean I am a kid and I still get butterflies in my stomach around the girl I like and never able to tell her the words that are in my heart haha shift four years and you get to feburary 24th....that was when she woke up...it was my doing(or so I believe)...you see I had a dream, a dream I can't still forget...in the dream I wished that she would wake up because I needed someone who I can truly trust (will talk about that later haha) so I wanted her back so badly that I made a deal with the you know who himself in which I asked if I could just talk to her for a while and tell her everything...I mean it's a dream right? How was I suppose to know that it may or may not have affected what happened in real life....yea it sounds unbelievable but the deal was that my feelings of love would hold true for only 2 people while everyone else will just be untrue(?) haha of course I picked her as the first person and well the second is basically you either know it or not haha...I mean it was a dream so I was like why not....Hint: Never make deals in dreams...haha yea it's weird cuz maybe it was my mind working really well but when I heard the phonecall that she woke up, I was happy like crazy...I even tried to call the hospital's phone the second I heard that but she was still trying to get use to her body and stuff...so the next day I talked to her like crazy on the phone....she couldn't move much so they celebrated her awakening(?) at the hospital's cafeteria haha and she used my friend's phone to talk with me during the party...we talked way past the party telling her about my life and what I've been up to...she was happy to hear everything and everything haha yea I told her that much....she was surprised that I did everything for her but of course I wasn't....her parents were happy too since now she's awake their guilt is gone...then 3 days later, she suddenly went back in a coma...that was when I remember my dream...I said that I wanted to talk to her for "a while"...that seriously killed me <_< so yea call me crazy but I seriously thought my feelings of love only went to those two people I agreed on <__< I even tested it out...which I seriously seriously feel bad for..I had to see...I had to figure out if this was true or not...my mind has a lot of imaginations and this was becoming more real <_< I tried liking some other people but I knew that I wasn't feeling it...yea maybe it was me pushing my lucks or trying to feel something...i dunno but I seriously thought that I couldn't do it...I won't go into details on who she or they were but yea sorry for that..I'm the worst I know...but if you can forgive me, please do...if not, then I would understand why because I believe I wouldn't do so if it were me...anyways phew I've cleared the most weird unbelievable stuff...now comes the more tragic stuff haha...well when she went back into a coma..the doctors called her "awakening" a miracle gift (kinda ironic..don't really know how)...well with this miracle gift comes psychologists and other -gists who wanted to study her...her parents agreed to allow them to experiment on her because they would receive money if they do...I was angry and told them to not do that and that I would pay them more them whatever they are getting from this if they decline their offer...I took 15000 from the site's bank and gave them that <_< the site's bank is where we store some extras that we would make since we don't plan to raise our wages as the members increase...we would just store the extra in the site's bank and they can take whatever they need but of course they must have a valid reason...anyways I paid them 5K more than what they were offered so they decline the offer....skip a year and we get to my college life (i'll talk about my college life later)...anyways on April 16th, her parents emailed me telling me that they have sent an application in which I would be responsible for being the one to pull the plug whenever I wanted....I was mad at them, I knew that they were just feeling too guilty and they didn't want that responsibility in their hands...I asked my friends what to do...heck even cassandra was like "deal with it"...okay those weren't the words but she's very blunt and so so cruel in her answers haha...my friends in new york didn't want to have that trouble either since I mean holding someone's life in the palm of your hand is truly scary....so I called her parents and told them that it was their responsibility...and told them to stop feeling guilty (even though I still do but she already told me during the time she woke up that it wasn't my fault and that she was still going with her parents even if I didn't tell her to)...anyways on May 15th (a week) after I sent the email, her parents pulled the plug without my notice since I didn't hold the rights anymore...I felt so much hatred, sadness, and anger that I didn't know what to do...fortunately my roommates weren't there to see that haha ><....so what do I do? I still don't know...I can't accept anything right now...and 2 weeks ago I found out that it was my friends who convinced them(well not convinced but like give them a push) to pull the plug because they thought I was suffering....I'm so pissed at them but I feel like I shouldn't be but I have yet to talk with them...they don't know this xanga so I guess thats another reason why I'm updating it here...all the trusts I put in people feels like it was all bogus..I've always trusted people to tell stuff to...I guess I just needed to tell someone about my life and stuff because I don't really like holding things in that much....of course I did not know that doing this came with a consequence....trusting others wasn't the same as trusting melanie...sure I can tell the same things and stuff but what Melanie never did was abuse this trust....she doesn't hold this truth bondship with people or a group...i mean yea I tell someone something...then because they are in this group or bondship they feel that it is okay that they can tell those people also...it's like their trust level is higher for them than to others...its bull crap and it never stops...thats why I don't like forming groups like that where rumors can be spread between each other and people can talk crap about others to each other...okay I'm going over myself..I know I shouldn't listen to others but I hate that theres no right person that I can trust now...I use to not think what I tell others will be like our little secret but now it's more like I have to think of what to say because I fear that it'll be spread amongst our friends and even people I don't know....yea I even abuse this thing by saying faulty stuff so that it'll spread around and that way I can get them to have their mind on something false while I do my own thing...yea I don't want to do that haha I always feel bad when I do it...and sorry to whoever I did but I won't say who haha....why am I talking about trust? well it was the trust in people that made me believe that nothing could happen to melanie if I was around...I trusted too much and here I am explaining everything...now without Melanie, the only person I can truly trust, who in the world is there that I can trust? I'm not even sure if I can trust the person who I love haha...I wanted to tell her everything I said here...only to her but I feel like it will spread so well I'm telling to everybody or those that reads this haha...well I'm still adjusting to this...first my grandpa and now melanie..it's like every year my role model or people who I look up to keep dying....it's hard...like what cassandra said...it's really a reality check haha reality just really hit me reaaaaaallly hard....lets see...my mom's diabetes is getting worst because she doesn't really watch what she eats because she believe that whether she eats or doesn't eat healthy, it'll still be the same...my dad has hepatitis C and we've been going to hospitals for check ups...everytime he caughs, guess what I think of? I'm pretty sure you can tell....on the bright side, you know the deal in my dream...it feels like it's over >< guess it ends with her death....I dunno...I stopped my job at the site too..I don't want the money to myself....I used the remaining money I got from it to pay for the funeral which I won't be attending...its just...I dunno too much I guess <_<
So what do I do from now? Live my life like everyday matters....or try to at least....because I'm also living my life for Melanie now so it has to be special...My new year resolution was to live everyday like it was the last but I tweaked it a little so that it'll be easier...I changed it to DO at least one thing everyday that you would only do if it was the last...so far it's working and making my life a lot better but of course things might run out and some things might come up that I have fear of doing haha....it's a good life...I know it is...but it's just I'm viewing it differently...I want to change it..I want to make it different..but I can't do it alone..i know I can't haha or maybe...i dunno haha
Yup that huuuge paragraph is my explanation to some people's question of why I was kinda emo during the past two months...I had many troubles but now it's all over...hmm college life...what did I learn? lets see...Guys are horney
bastards....okay I maybe going off the line in saying this and theres
probably some guy's code that says that I can't say it but they
seriously are hormone induced bastards that only wants sex or something
like that....rating girls by numbers....talking about a girl that just
past by....calling them hot (whatever happened to beautiful?)....giving
girls code names....making bets about who gets a girl or who have sex
first or who they have sex with....those are all horrible and I live up
with that...sure that saying that boys will be boys may actually be
true....I'm hoping that thats not all they want in a girl...i mean sure they can talk about it to i guess "fit in" but they better look for something else in girls...and about fitting in...oh boy...i know I said I wasn't going to bash anyone but Peter, if you are reading this,...don't try to go fitting in with people or a group...sure you can have more friends and stuff but will you like that? I dunno I guess it's because I haven't tried to fit in with them and stayed myself, I haven't made or got close with friends haha I dunno but I prefer being independent and not being like someone else (though thats ironic since I became like Melanie...haha...but thats different! i think lol) well yea....i mean i'm okay with peter when he just do simple things to fit in but when he goes to the extent to talk about his sex life with his ex....i mean W T F...do they treat like girls are object? no I don't think so but it seems like it....com on...he talks about his one nighters and how he'll get some when he goes home like it's something to be proud about but it's just horrible....I dunno maybe there's some reason for you, peter, to do this but try to hold back on doing that...i just don't like when people treat others like they are just things for them to use....and hate it when they talk about sex like its the best thing to get in life...go ahead and be drunk...go smoke for all I care...it's not hurting others but yourself. However once you go talk about someone and give them numbers and code names...it's a whole another story...
hmm okay here's the bright side of my college life....I met some people in my physics class who well since I'm like a new person to them and like they don't have connections to any of my other friends, they don't have any bias against me...like they don't know that my parents are both doctors...sssssh haha well okay there is one connection with her and another friend but he won't really say much except for AUUUNG haha but don't think that I'm saying this like "oh they're better than my old friends" hell no....it's just that it's different haha and it feels nice and well they gave me that push that I needed to try out for a computer science major....I mean I came in as undeclared but I wanted to be a computer science major...I even asked during orientation but the counselor straight out told me No....until last quarter I haven't really tried for it but I was surprised and really happy that they accepted me into the major...now next year is going to be busy with me trying to catch up to them...if i do things carefully, I can catch up probably in junior year....hopefully haha well this is my long extensive story on xanga...probably the longest one haha but yea thats the mystery side of my life so have fun reading and usually I say to not talk about it to me but I guess you can if you want LOL i dunno
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| Why is fate always so despairing? When humans want to be happy....why do they make others miserable?
xanga for me is dead I guess, high school is over so for university I'm moving to http://cho-kimochi.blogspot.com/ well yup hope you go there and visit. I don't know why I don't say lol or haha in the posts as much or not at all...I don't know....I feel like typing everything out I guess...lol....bye bye
so yea I realize that I can say whatever's on my mind there because I feel that no one will read it ^__^ It's great to just go whatevers and say what I want
http://cho-kimochi.blogspot.com/
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